"Thirteen Years Ago Today"- Back in America- Week 3

 

I had the opportunity to talk about Indonesia three times in the past four days.  On Thursday, our whole group was able to present an alternate chapel to the student body and teachers who were able to attend.  It was great to see everyone again and share all about our trip, but I didn’t realize how much I missed people until we got to present about it.  There were pictures that made me tear up as I remembered the great times I had and great friends I made there.  On Saturday, my girlfriend and I had the opportunity to have lunch with my professors from the Indonesia trip, which was great!  We talked for a couple of hours about Indonesia, what I learned, and what my girlfriend and my future could be as a couple and in missions if God calls us to that life.  We shared many stories, and again, I really missed everyone from there.  Today in church, I also presented about my Indonesia trip.  Although it is always an incredible experience to talk about my adventures, it also brings back many memories.  Memories that I love so much more than words can ever explain.  And memories that I know will probably not happen again.  Although I can return to Bali, I’ll never have all of those friends in the same place again.  I’ll never have the chance to teach the same students that I fell in love with at the Muslim school.  I’ll never have the same workers to interact with at the Hotel Tidar.  Even though the places will be the same, the people make the memories. 

I often wonder if this is what it feels like to lose a loved one.  I’m very fortunate to have never experienced a loss of a deeply loved person before; although my grandfather passed away when I was six, I wasn’t old enough to truly understand what death meant.  But I now feel I can relate to people who have experienced loss before.  The thought, the memory of many situations from Indonesia will always live in my head, like the memory of a dearly loved person. It pains me deeply to know that I will never get the chance to go back there and experience Indonesia with the same people, just like it hurts some immensely to know that they will never experience life this side of heaven without this person.  I never imagined that I would be comparing my trip to the passing of a loved one; God has been using this trip to emotionally hit me in more ways than I ever imagined. 

Tonight, I had to pick up some keys that I left at my church.  As I went inside the church building, I ran into an older couple who was turning out the lights from a nightly prayer service.  The woman began to ask me questions about my trip, and we started to talk.  This talk turned into a half-an-hour conversation, where I shared about my family and they both shared about theirs.  I learned that both of them came from other marriages; one person’s spouse passed away while another marriage ended in divorce.  I never knew this about either of them, but it just made my thoughts about my trip hit home even more.  As I shared with them the thoughts that I wrote about above, the woman mentioned that her husband passed away thirteen years ago today, February 23.  She said she always remembers him, and he will always be a part of her.  I feel Indonesia will live in my heart, in the same manner, for a really long time.

Adjustment is hard.  Mourning is hard.  And loving someone or something that isn’t with you is extremely hard.  Although it is a different situation after returning to the United States compared to the loss of a loved one, I now understand so much more.  I understand the feelings that people feel after a grandfather passes away.  I understand the loss of being away from a family during a holiday.  I understand the pain of being involved in a broken family.  Although my family is still safe and sound in the United States, all of my family isn’t here.  Lots of my family lives around the world.  In a country where I have had some incredible experiences and formed memories I will never forget.  Although I am hurting tonight and missing my second home, I couldn’t be more blessed.    

Thirteen years from today, Indonesia will still be a part of me.  It’s a memory I will never forget.

"Lord, Help Me to Love"- Back in America- Week 2

I love Indonesian culture.  I love that people were more focused on having true conversations with people rather than rushing to something else.  I love that cell phones were not attached to everyone’s hip all of the time.  I loved feeling free to be myself without being judged by everyone I walk past.  I loved having everyone be so warm and welcoming to us the whole time.  So many of these feelings are not things that anyone really experiences in America.  Here, there’s always the next thing to do that prevents true conversation.  There’s always another thing to do to keep up with the fast paced life we are used to living.  We always try to get ahead, make ourselves better, and do whatever we need to in order to stay on top.  This creates so many feelings of bitterness, anger and envy towards the people we should be making friends with.  This all seems so backwards when we think about it.  Why do we try to be friends with everyone we meet, yet only to stab them in the back whenever it is more convenient for us?  Why do we not focus on getting to know someone else, instead we just focus on ourselves? 

This difference has made the transition awfully difficult to adjust to.  I loved Indonesian culture.  I fit there, I found myself truly being at peace in that culture.  I found other people who were like me, who cared, who loved, and who enjoyed knowing and wanting to know people.  I hate being competitive, and as much as I want to succeed, I want uplift others in the process as well.  

As I was talking to a friend about all of the differences in American vs. Indonesian culture, it made me realize how different life is here compared to there.  It’s polar opposites, and a part of me wishes I were still there.  It’s hard, because I love American luxuries.  I love running water, TV, people who speak my own language - but that isn’t what life is about.  Yeah, it’s nice to keep up with my football team, but that doesn’t mean anything.  It’s nice to be able to communicate with everyone that I run into, but I would learn the language if I was immersed with it.  Hey, I could even get used to rice and chicken, it wasn’t that bad to eat after a while.  The things that really matter, Indonesia has.  America is still behind. 

What would happen if Americans try to adopt the style of life that Indonesian people have?  It would completely change our lives.  It would give us a new reason for living.  It would help us to love the people around us, rather than competing with them.  Everything would change, and it would be a change that needs to happen.  We can’t continue competing with each other, we need to love.  I dream of seeing a day where I will still live in America, have my TV and food luxuries, while still keeping the attitude of love permeating through the culture.  I dream of feeling as welcomed in my home language as I am in a second language.  I will always remember how I felt waking up in Indonesia: excited about the new, overjoyed by the welcome, and hopeful of the day that lies ahead.  I would love to wake up with that feeling here today. 

Until this day happens, my heart still lies in Indonesia.  I hope it’s God’s will for me to go back and keep understanding how to bring this culture to America.  But while I’m here, love is the answer that we all need.  All Americans, not just some.  I think that is part of America’s problem as well.  All Indonesians knew how to love beyond what was required.  They welcomed and gave us hope that we never deserved or believed we could have.   

Give me that faith, to step out.  Lord, help me to love. 

"I Really Miss Indonesia"- Back in America- Week 1

This week was my first week back on campus after being in Indonesia for the whole month of January.  Everyone says that culture-shock hits harder upon return to the home country than the first experience of the new culture, and I found this to be true from day one. 

I came to love many parts of Indonesian culture, such as being welcomed by everyone, and I really miss these key cultural differences being back in the States.  I feel unimportant, because I am not greeted or appreciated the way I was in Indonesia.  I’ve found that not everyone wants to hear about my trip and the incredible experience I’ve had.  Some friends do, and I have had some wonderful discussions with friends about the experience, but unfortunately, many others do not seem as interested.  Most of the people who are really interested in my trip were people with some international experience previously, and I connected with some people I never would have if I didn’t have this experience.  I’ve also had a really difficult time with classes, having a schedule, and having to wake up on a specific time frame every day.  I have still not adjusted to the jet lag, and it has been a struggle to get out of bed every day.  I must set 3 alarms, and I often sleep through all three of those.  I have often been late to meetings because I am not used to being exactly on time. 

It is also hard to not be surrounded by my Indonesian friends constantly.  After serving and living with the same group people for 3 weeks, it creates a huge void when those people are not a large part of your life anymore. 

But the largest problem I’ve had adjusting back to American culture is the technological advancements of our country.  We are constantly busy doing something, anything to get ourselves ahead of the competition.  Unfortunately, life is not all about getting ahead, and this is something I learned while I was in Indonesia.  People were genuinely friendly there, and they wanted to take the time to invest in your life, while people here are too busy to develop real friendships.  People in Indonesia seem to notice the beauty in little things, such as flowers or sunsets, but here people spend their time buried in their cell phone rather than looking around at the beauty of the natural world.  I didn’t have my cell phone for the month I was abroad, and I didn’t miss it one bit.  I feel every time I’m ignoring a face-to-face conversation to send a text, or neglecting personal reflection time to talk to be on my computer, I feel that I am missing out on the true beauty of the moment.  In Indonesia, it was so much easier to notice the little things.

Although this week has been extremely hard, I’m gradually adjusting back into American culture.  There are parts of America that I don’t like, and parts that I know will take longer to adjust to than others, but I’m encouraged by the progress I’ve made.  It is definitely true that culture-shock hits more whenever the person gets back into the home country.

Anyone who studies abroad becomes a family.  I have so many new brothers and sisters, both Indonesian friends and Messiah friends, and I miss them all dearly.  The power of serving together in an unfamiliar country brings people together in a way only God can do.  I miss having such a vast opportunity to feel like I’m serving God.  I miss feeling like I’m making a difference by walking out my front door.  I miss seeing people who have the same goals and dreams as I do.  I miss all of my friends from half-way around the world. 

I never thought it would be so hard to come back.  I really miss Indonesia. 

January 26, 2014

Free day in Bali

Leaving Bali

Today was our last day in Bali, and my favorite part was the worship service on the beach.  We sang a couple classic songs that really stuck out to me, one of which being “Our God” and another being “Oceans.”  These two songs have been extremely powerful in my life, and they have brought me peace on this trip.  I do not know how this trip will impact my future, but I do know that God has controlled everything on this trip and will continue to control everything that lies in my future.  My favorite line in these songs says, “Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my savior.”  This trip was much more than I knew I was able to handle by myself, but God gave me the strength to do what I knew I couldn’t.  This trip has changed my perspective on the rest of my life, and I am so excited to see what God is able do in my life as a result of this trip.  Thank you Lord for this incredible opportunity, and please continue to keep us safe as we leave Indonesia and head back to the United States.  

January 25, 2014

Free day in Bali

Today was a day devoted to adventures inside Bali.  We started by going snorkeling off the Bali coast, and I had a blast.  It was the first time I have ever been snorkeling, and it was great to see so many fish.  We went to Turtle Island next, and we had a great time seeing some of the largest turtles I have ever seen.  We got back around noon and spent the rest of the day at the beach.  Our university friends came to visit us at the hotel tonight, and it was great to interact with them and get to know them more.  It’s a hard feeling to make friends with someone that we probably won’t see again, but it was great to know more about their culture and religion.  We were able to sing some American songs with them, and they took us to see a memorial of a terrorist bombing in downtown Bali.  We said goodbye to them after they gave us many gifts to remember them.  Our night finished with a checkpoint meeting where we heard some more testimonies from our team.  I was able to have some great conversations with team members after the testimonies, and it was nice to continue to connect with the people on the team.  I am so blessed to have shared this experience with so many new friends, and I hope to continue our close relationship after we return.

January 24, 2014

Teaching with Marasaraswati students

Free day in Bali

Today we went to teach with our friends at Marasaraswati.   We found ourselves teaching in a 10^th grade classroom where the students had fairly good English.  The lesson was on introductions, and we talked about informal and formal introductions and what items belong in a proper introduction.  The students from the high school spoke very good English, and we were able to do a lot of conversation exercises and a lot of dialogue in front of the class.  I was most impressed by two students who knew the answer to almost every question.  At the end, we played Jeopardy, which taught the students basic American culture and also helped them review the topic.  Our lesson went much better than I expected after the planning session we had the day before.  The university students were very fun to teach with, and even though they were nervous, they did a great job delivering some of the content and facilitating the game.  After our lesson, it was hard to say goodbye to our university partners because we had developed such close friendships with them over the last two days.  To celebrate our final teaching experience in Indonesia, we came back and went to the Hard Rock Café to have an American meal for lunch.  We also enjoyed some time shopping, sitting on the beach, and hanging out with the rest of the team.  We ended our day by seeing one of the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen.  The colors of the sky were absolutely overwhelming, and it reminded me of God’s faithfulness throughout this whole trip.  Although there have been some difficult moments, God has been here to support all of us through the whole trip, and I know He will continue to guide us as we go home and share about our experiences.  The rest of the day was the first truly relaxing time of our trip so far, and I was excited to get time to relax and get to know some of our team better.