I had the opportunity to talk about Indonesia three times in
the past four days. On Thursday, our
whole group was able to present an alternate chapel to the student body and
teachers who were able to attend. It was
great to see everyone again and share all about our trip, but I didn’t realize
how much I missed people until we got to present about it. There were pictures that made me tear up as I
remembered the great times I had and great friends I made there. On Saturday, my girlfriend and I had the opportunity
to have lunch with my professors from the Indonesia trip, which was great! We talked for a couple of hours about
Indonesia, what I learned, and what my girlfriend and my future could be as a
couple and in missions if God calls us to that life. We shared many stories, and again, I really
missed everyone from there. Today in
church, I also presented about my Indonesia trip. Although it is always an incredible
experience to talk about my adventures, it also brings back many memories. Memories that I love so much more than words
can ever explain. And memories that I
know will probably not happen again.
Although I can return to Bali, I’ll never have all of those friends in
the same place again. I’ll never have
the chance to teach the same students that I fell in love with at the Muslim
school. I’ll never have the same workers
to interact with at the Hotel Tidar.
Even though the places will be the same, the people make the
memories.
I often wonder if this is what it feels like to lose a loved
one. I’m very fortunate to have never
experienced a loss of a deeply loved person before; although my grandfather
passed away when I was six, I wasn’t old enough to truly understand what death
meant. But I now feel I can relate to
people who have experienced loss before.
The thought, the memory of many situations from Indonesia will always
live in my head, like the memory of a dearly loved person. It pains me deeply
to know that I will never get the chance to go back there and experience
Indonesia with the same people, just like it hurts some immensely to know that
they will never experience life this side of heaven without this person. I never imagined that I would be comparing my
trip to the passing of a loved one; God has been using this trip to emotionally
hit me in more ways than I ever imagined.
Tonight, I had to pick up some keys that I left at my
church. As I went inside the church
building, I ran into an older couple who was turning out the lights from a
nightly prayer service. The woman began
to ask me questions about my trip, and we started to talk. This talk turned into a half-an-hour
conversation, where I shared about my family and they both shared about
theirs. I learned that both of them came
from other marriages; one person’s spouse passed away while another marriage
ended in divorce. I never knew this
about either of them, but it just made my thoughts about my trip hit home even
more. As I shared with them the thoughts
that I wrote about above, the woman mentioned that her husband passed away
thirteen years ago today, February 23.
She said she always remembers him, and he will always be a part of
her. I feel Indonesia will live in my
heart, in the same manner, for a really long time.
Adjustment is hard.
Mourning is hard. And loving
someone or something that isn’t with you is extremely hard. Although it is a different situation after
returning to the United States compared to the loss of a loved one, I now
understand so much more. I understand
the feelings that people feel after a grandfather passes away. I understand the loss of being away from a
family during a holiday. I understand
the pain of being involved in a broken family.
Although my family is still safe and sound in the United States, all of
my family isn’t here. Lots of my family
lives around the world. In a country
where I have had some incredible experiences and formed memories I will never
forget. Although I am hurting tonight
and missing my second home, I couldn’t be more blessed.
Thirteen years from today, Indonesia will still be a part of
me. It’s a memory I will never forget.
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